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1. Sweating over a hot iron with the possibility of severe bodily injury does not turn people on! Nor does the image of a hairy guy with a sleeveless t-shirt at the laundry. Suggestion, avoid the visual here!
2. Noone can iron a shirt without leaving some wrinkles. Isn’t the whole point to get the wrinkles out? Ironing wrinkle free is not possible, no not even by the pros, just look at your shirts from the dry cleaners. Oh, by the way, wearing a starched shirt that feels like cardboard makes me want to rip it off and go home.
3. Speaking of dry cleaners, they charge $5 to $10 a shirt to iron it. Now, let’s face it, you can teach a monkey to push an iron with almost the same results. Here’s my question: who would choose ironing as a career path?
4. Burn, scorch, shiny marks, starch clumps; get the point?
5. Solving an advanced mathematics problem is easier than trying to figure out how to get the shirt on the ironing board so you can iron it wrinkle free! Definition of frustration in four words: ironing collars and sleeves.
6. You have 7 shirts to iron. For most people this is so depressing that you would rather be driving on a Los Angeles freeway at rush hour!
7. I tried a clothing steamer. 7 shirts, a few minutes, no ironing board, steamed right on the hanger, no wrinkles, no back ache!
8. Bonus point to my readers: Steam is sexy!

I’m glad I got that off my chest, thanks for listening! Oh, before I forget, get a clothing steamer!

Disclaimer: A clothing steamer is safe for all fabrics and not to be used on your body! …or anyone else’s!

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I use to love Christmas when I was a kid, I got stuff! The Santa times were especially great. My parents got me clothes and junk like that. Boring! Santa never let me down; the coolest stuff came from him.

Now that I am an adult with kids I have figured out who Santa really is, me. My kids spend weeks whining for everything under the sun. It is non-stop from breakfast to bedtime the endless begging.

I could go broke buying all this stuff. I know that I never did this to my parents! Between the practical thoughts of the budget and the guilt of not being to afford it all I need counseling.

For many years I was tempted to kill the Santa mystique and tell them the truth. This guy gets anything for anyone, how do you compete?

Then it occurred to me that you don’t! Santa has the power. He is a legend to kids and here’s why:

1. It is Santa for crying out loud. Toys to every kid on earth, He Rocks!
2. Kids believe they can get anything they want from Santa.
3. Santa has the look; a smile, a wink, a squint, a frown, his expressions speak volumes.
4. Santa has command presence; he can shut a kid up without saying a word.
5. Kids will never say anything bad about Santa. Oh to be like him!
6. The list! What a powerful tool. Kids will do almost anything not to get on the bad one. You can get amazing leverage from this.
7. Kids actually want to give stuff to Santa, the kiss up mentality. All those cookies and milk no wonder he’s so fat!

The whole point here is that if you use the Santa mystique to it’s fullest you gain back the control over your kids that the gift giving mentality takes away. The whining will ebb and flow according to a kid’s attention span. The list is your tool to curb this but a caution here: don’t overuse it!

Marketing ads are your enemy since this is kid’s constant reminder to plead. Unfortunately you can’t escape them, they are everywhere. No you can’t put your kids in a cryogenic chamber and wake them up in January. Don’t think the thought didn’t cross my mind.

A personalized call from Santa is your ace in the hole. You prearrange these calls and Santa will say almost anything you want him to. Believe me this has power that will amaze and astound you!

You can be assured that there will be peace for days maybe weeks after that call. I highly recommend it! They usually charge a little more after December 15th!

Too bad kids only believe this Santa thing for a few years!

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